Friday, April 11, 2014: Mr. Handsome a.k.a. Parker turns eight today. If we had to file his birthday with the “Birthday Police” we would be locked-up. It was pitiful and the outcome of this day impacts our lives in two different ways.

First, Saturday is Devin’s senior prom and Dylan has a dance recital. The effort that goes into both of these events is pretty massive and Michelle orchestrates this symphony alone. Dresses, costumes, dinners, snacks, transportation, logistics, makeup, manicures, pedicures, hairdo’s, hairdo-not’s, It takes weeks for this to all either fall into place or be hammered into the place where “it” must go. It is brutal. Let’s add the emotion of two teenagers and the mother who is in charge…Mom. The flight of a butterfly is a pretty accurate description of this week as well as many other days prior to this week.

Parker and I just sit back and stay out of the way. Occasionally I am called in to referee or make a ruling….I am very well respected around this household. I try not to be logical and make a ruling I believe to be best…I always, always, always want to support their Mother. Don’t misunderstand what I am saying here. I’m not saying Michelle isn’t logical…quite the opposite. If I was in charge of the girls during these episodes I would blindly nod yes to everything. No sir..If Michelle asks me a “yes” or no” question. I don’t need to know the question. I need to know the answer.

I have a 50% chance of getting it right so I must look for clues before I arrive at the bench for the epic battle of “Mom -vs- Daughter”. As Judge David, I pretend to listen intently but instead I am reading body language, listening for buzz words and voice inflection. “Mom said I have to…” & “I’m your Mother…”, are very common starts to a powerful opening statement.

Not long ago I decided to block out the actual argument because I kept getting the wrong answer…I’m a man. As Michelle has raised me for the last twenty years I am learning to learn. So, my approach is to look at both, sometimes all three of the participants. Figure out who is who. Look attentive, engaged and nod. The only thing I really have to do is watch the time so it doesn’t get out of control. Imagine if you will; words flying, fingers pointing, arms crossing, eyes piercing, eyebrows rising, and voices voicing. Suddenly it stops. This is my cue to make my ruling. I look at Michelle. I look at Daughter. I look at Michelle….Now remember, the odds are fifty-fifty here….for the common man. I proclaim, “Mom’s right! just do what she says”. I walk away and its over. When Mom wins, I win. I like winning and people like winners.

As I explained to Parker, “The main thing is, don’t get excited, remain calm”. Bill Palmer said that years ago and it stuck. While I wasn’t getting excited, I should have planned something for my son. I failed there. I failed to execute. I had some ideas but never pulled the trigger. All I have is a handful of excuses. Michelle made a last ditch effort to make Parker’s birthday a bit more than an ordinary day and arranges for Parker’s buddy Jill to come home after school. Michelle is good like that. She was not so busy that his birthday wasn’t on her mind, she just needed me to step up. Fail. So, I pick them up after school and we go to Yogurt Mountain and have some sweet treats. When I’m with a couple of first graders I am truly with my peer group. We have as much fun as we can have being silly. Luckily it’s a beautiful day and a Friday to boot.

Our neighborhood was full of kids in its day. That day has passed. Parker’s best friends in the neighborhood are Mr. Charlie and Miss Lisa next door. They are so sweet to Parker and he really enjoys visiting them….hopefully no more than they enjoy his visits. I hope they don’t call him Dennis.

It is this day that I realize we can’t stay back here in this beautiful quiet neighborhood. I couldn’t even call an “emergency” birthday party. Twelve months ago, this was our “forever home”. Michelle has been telling me about a house 2.0 “crow miles” and 4.7 “car miles” away from our home. I’m gonna go check it out. With the sun in our hair and sugar in our veins I suggest a quick ride to this property Michelle keeps casually mentioning….every day. The neighborhood isn’t any bigger than our neighborhood, but it has something that our current hood is missing…basketball goals. Not the rusty, “net-free” ones that litter the driveways in my current burb. Shiny, modern, new, black basketball goals. Driving in the car, I have Parker count on the right and Jill count on the left. We start on one end of this street and move to the other. As we crawl up the street and around the corner and down the hill they count, “1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9….”. “Wait! this one has two”, yells Jill. “Eleven!” I reply. One last house on our jaunt without a goal but clear evidence that kids live there, probably little girls. I say, “Okay, sooooo the final tally is eleven basketball goals at ten houses…right? “Yah!” they exclaim…Okay let’s go home. Motivated by guilt I am now officially open to moving.

Let me back up to Thursday. Sometimes it is more stressful to “go on as if” than it is to “go on as is”. I ran into Eric at lunch and he apologized that he still didn’t have the results. He really was sorry. As I am prone to do…I apologize too. I’m trying to pretend it’s no big deal and it really doesn’t matter because it will all be over in a few days once we rule out cancer…No biggie. Although we were still with in he 7-10 day period he promised, I was really hoping to have the results by Wednesday, Thursday at the latest. The good news is I knew not to expect any more news the rest for the day. There’s always tomorrow. I found my way to Blackwell’s to blow off a little steam by way of a couple of pints of beer. Delicious IPA was on my mind so I enjoyed a couple of beers and hung out with a few buddies. I head back to the house and enjoy a couple of more beers with Michelle who has decided to join me with a glass of wine. The suds loosened me up a little bit and I had a little bit of a come-apart. Michelle will say I had a pretty big come-apart….”drama queen”.

We were both trying to make the week as normal as usual and we did a good job because I questioned Michelle’s understanding of what’s at stake. She confesses to her “googlings” and that she has been reading about this on the “inter web”. She has been quietly worrying the whole time. Googling the topic is something that I deliberately didn’t do. I don’t want to get caught up in the misinformation super highway. I did have one “Google breakdown” the night before the biopsy and because the information I read was so old I dismissed it. I read about a guy who had a prostatectomy ten years ago. His writings actually inspired me to start this blog. It was very direct and I liked his brash style…it was “guy speak” for sure. I take my brave face off and set it down next to the rest of my armor. We talk about it and the possibilities. I’m David Surber. Everything always works out.

Back to Friday: Michelle got Parker to school and came home and retired to the bed. I was about to hop in the shower and my phone rang. With the water running I quietly took the call. Eric is on the phone and he gets right to it. Basically he says he got the results, I have cancer on both lobes (I check my ears), we got it very early, everything is going to be fine. I responded with something to the effect that I’m not surprised and everything pointed to this and I appreciate him calling and I acknowledge that I know this is not a call he wanted to make. He apologizes for the “crap news” (which does sound better than “bad news”) and he says his office will mail me some material and we can schedule a consultation the next week.

I’m David Surber. Everything always works out. I’m David Surber.