I have a date set and two weeks to go before the procedure. I have plenty of distractions. The “Circle of Trust” has widened to include some folks that I work very closely with as well as a couple of friends and a group of men in my Entrepreneur’s Organization forum. The number stands at less than twenty folks. The weeks leading up to Spring Break include an EO membership event, Parker’s baseball games and practices, Dylan’s fifteenth birthday, my EO forum’s monthly meeting as well as a planning meeting with my business partner, Jason and strategy meetings for a couple of initiatives we are working on for the company. I could not have asked for a better eleven days before Spring Break. 

As a very young man I remember a prayer. It went something like this, “Dear God, Just once…just one time…If you could ever find it in your will to provide me with a house full of beautiful young women with a beach setting during a vacation time like…like Spring Break, I will be forever in your debt. I promise to be a good boy…thanks…Amen…”. Well, He delivered, and at the moment I recalled the petition and recognized the plea lay answered before me…I chuckled at His sense of humor. I had learned later in life, after my original request and was again reminded to be specific in prayer. God had answered and it was the perfect answer…I am glad however, that I didn’t make two such requests. 

March 22-29, 2014 Spring Break: My side kick and wingman for the trip is David Hamric. I have known, “Hambone” or “Hammy” for several years but only in the last couple of years have we spent time outside of our daughters’ activities and our wives’ instruction. We both see things in our own twisted way. Dang! Hammy may have to back out. He has a bulging disc in his neck that is creating all kinds of problems. He is experiencing neck pain, his forearm is burning because of the pinched nerve.He decides he’s going…he can hurt at home or hurt at the beach…he chose the beach. He can’t sleep and the pain killers just take the edge off. I think he said the pain meds took it from a 12 to a 6.5 on his pain index with 10 being the highest number. He hung in there though. It was kind of cold and windy and a little rainy all week. We watched NCAA tourney. Eash day we would look for the perfect plan to find a little comfort for Hambone. He knew about my impending “date with Dr. Jellyfingers” and we talked about how much better it could have been if we were 100%. Not to worry, we did find some time to laugh and have a good time. We may have been the only guys who could have enjoyed the company of the other. Each of us glad we weren’t going through the other’s ordeal. All in all we did the best with what we had…and we did great.

The first week of April is a busy week. First, come up with clever April Fool’s gag. Second, Have my prostate biopsied. Next, Mike Frazier will drive the two of us down to Pensacola for a private gig at a “Change of Command” celebration. Finally, have Mike drive us back to Birmingham for another gig at Blackwell’s Neighborhood Pub. My Doctor has “signed off” for this little adventure, post biopsy. I did everything but number one…which, ironically I now do many times through out the day (think about it…there ya go).

Let’s back it up a bit.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014: Jose’ Ordonez is stopping in Birmingham for a couple of days on his way back home to Kansas City. We have a couple of days of interviews and recruiting stuff to discuss for work. I picked him up at about 8.30pm at BHM and took him to Blackwell’s for some food and a beverage. We got back home around 11:30 or so. Michelle was up and happy to see our friend. We all lived in Knoxville in another life and share some fond memories before we started this little “growing up” thing. We enjoyed catching up and talking about kids and family and being so far away from “home”. Before you know it is 2AM. We all panic and go to sleep….well kinda. Despite the high gravity beers and the late hour I still couldn’t sleep. Carpool and work await early Wednesday morning. 

Wednesday, April 2, 2014: Rock and Roll! Jose’ and I are up, he finishes a conference call and we head to work. We have a great day! Lot’s of collaboration no down time, we are 100 mph all day. We head back to Blackwell’s after work and have a drink and then to Fleming’s for dinner and back home. I order some to-go food for Michelle. Once back home, Jose’ and I sit on the patio with a night cap talking shop. The perfect recipe for sleep. The formula: sleep deprived + long work day + wine + dinner + scotch = sleep. This is easy. I yawn myself to my palette and prepare to settle in for a delicious night’s rest. BAM! Wide awake. I knew this was happening. I was hoping to ignore it and get caught up on some much needed rest.

This is the night when I come to grips with what is really going on. I am stressed out. I have pushed this aside. Here is what I have been praying in regards to my the old prostate thing-a-majig: a) that I don’t have cancer. b) that if I do have cancer that we’ve caught it early c) that if God has chosen me to carry this burden, that I understand His purpose and I recognize the plan when it is revealed….You would think that laying in bed every night for a couple of weeks that maybe I would possibly recognize that this ordeal is taking its toll on me. What do you do? You get up everyday and do what you do everyday. If I stay busy I can hold this off. Man, I’m tired.

Sometime before this point I receive instructions for a “Prostate Needle Biopsy”…That’s the first time I heard the word needle…Well I guess that makes sense. I guess….kinda.

Here are the highlights: 

• Fleet enema two hours before procedure
• take an antibiotic the morning of
• Take a valium one hour before 
• eat normal
• don’t drive

Just the name of the enema is funny. “Fleet”. Have fun with that for a minute. I am texting Eric, Tuesday night before the surgery. I am at the pharmacy picking up my “Fleet” two pack. I decided to get the two pack. Better to have too much than not enough. Only the valium was there. No antibiotics had been either called in or received. It doesn’t really matter. The last thing I did when I left Eric’s office a couple of weeks ago was “pick up my shield and ready my dagger”. I send him a text…here is our exchange:

NOTE: Pretty cool, Hammy had just sent me a text when I took the screen shot for this. You can read it at the top. He added me to his Church’s prayer list. Coincidence? Nope. “You are….in good hands.” – Thank you Hammy, You’re a good man.

I also sent him a text that said, “I am going to give myself a bourbon enema so you know how my dentist feels…” I still think that is pretty funny. He reminded me that I am indeed a little twisted. 

 

Thursday April 3, 2014:Up and At’em! Jose’ and I head to the office after a cup of coffee and my prescribed morning Cipro. I have a call with Ann to discuss a timeline I am working on. I have a little more to do than I have time. I cut my call with Ann a little bit early and hand her off to Jose’. I say my goodbyes and hit the road. He knows the situation and is aware of my dread. I don’t really know what I am dreading other than the point of entry…which is kind of lame to choose that of all the other stuff I should be dreading when you look at the alternative ways they have to access my prostate. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The besets straight line is one that doesn’t require a scalpel and the loss of the blood. Bring it on doc! I’m your boy. I am going to be the very best patient ever.

Enema done! The last enema I recall in the very back of my mind is at a coffee bar in South Beach two years ago…I kid. I kid…I remember my grandmother flushing out the bacteria of my young bowels….”Nana Style”. Nana isn’t like Doctor Jellyfingers and the whole DRE thing. Nana took her time and was very gentle…I think. I just remember asking for “why?” and remember her telling me “because”. I remember crying and fighting and being worn down by that lady…. I was eighteen…Okay, I was at least three or maybe four years old. Yes, I do have memories of being three years old. 

Next, Valium and some water. We have to be in Homewood at 1:30pm for my procedure. Michelle is driving and I am riding ‘gun. The drive is about twenty minutes. I step out of the car and I immediately feel the valium…I didn’t fall. My legs took a second to adjust to the chemical racing through my blood stream. I giggled a little bit and told Michelle I was a little unsteady on my feet. I quickly pulled it together and walked to the elevator. The elevator opens and an attractive lady wearing a white lab coat walks by us. I smile and say, “hello”. I look at Michelle and say, “That’s my doctor”. “Really?” she asks. “Nope, I just wanted to see your reaction”. Michelle was also feeling a little strain during all of this and doing a great job of hiding it. She knew Eric was my doctor. I was surprised she bit.

We arrive at the second floor and I walk  up to sign in. Michelle has her “PEOPLE” magazine and some other smut to read while I am in the back. All of my appointments to this point have been first thing in the morning. It’s usually pretty quiet. Today it is packed with folks waiting….waiting on either a doctor or a patient. I decide that a bunch of people is a good thing. There’s a grumpy lady who is upset that the EMT’s waiting near us can’t silence their radio. I wish it bothered me. 

“DAVID SURBER”, my name is announced. They pronounce “Surber” correctly and again, I see that as a good thing. I am calm (thank you Mr. Cipro), cool and walking tall. I will be the best patient to have ever come through this place. It is just another day. I do this every Thursday. What’s the big deal?