Tag Archives: provision

Onward #15

It has been over two months since I have posted anything here. I read my last post to remind myself where I left this thing. If this is all new to you and you want to get caught up, my first post is here.

Tuesday, September 9th 2014: My final treatment at Provision closes out a really great experience. I am graduate 113. My final day calls for the ceremonious “ringing of the bell” to celebrate my final treatment. During my twenty days of treatment I found myself impressed by the people who provided me with the most amazing care. I began to look forward to seeing my friends. Their kindness and bright smiles did not elude me. They had such an impact on me that I will never forget. I wanted the staff….all of them…those I met as well as those I never got to meet to understand how important they were to me and my experience.

Who doesn’t like a t-shirt?: I called Frank Nystrom at Threds and told him I needed sixty-five t-shirts in less than a week. I had to look at Provision’s most current group picture of the staff on the website and guesstimate sizes. I don’t know how close I got. Michael Bozeman and Bill Hansen helped me with the artwork and logos and colors. Three emails and seventy-two business hours later the shirts are ready. Frank got it done and delivered them to my car bumper on Monday night. They were perfect.

Why come?
Each patient that completes treatment is joined in the common area at the entrance by all staff members who are available. While this day is to celebrate my graduation…I wanted to turn it around and celebrate “them”. In the days leading to my graduation I imagined the message I wanted to share with the group of administrators and care givers. They got about half…I had a lot to say. I whittled it down to whatever they got.

On this day I am joined by Michelle, Parker and Mike Frazier, who has come by to support both Michelle and I. I mentioned in an earlier post about the patient who ran over to the bell and “dinged” it with his knuckle then ran out the front door to avoid the public speaking. Additionally, I mentioned the gentleman who delivered a speech for the ages….unscripted. So eloquent and sincere. My goal was to fall somewhere in the middle. Michelle recorded it. I am not sure what I said…but I believe I conveyed that my experience was not possible without each and every person and the culture that is fostered at the facility…oh and the incredible technology that Terry Douglass brought to East Tennessee as a resource for the community. As Terry Douglass says in this video….”This is not about me”. As much as it was…I wanted it to be about them. I wanted to flip it a little bit. While I am hesitant to share this portion of the story because of the “look what I did” factor, I don’t know of another way to spotlight the caregivers and entire staff of Provision and how special they are than to tell the story.

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“Graduation Day

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“Keep Calm & Proton”

For me it was a very emotional time of my life. There were times when I’m laying there, a little more than vulnerable. I get flooded with emotion of the journey to that point, “How in the world did I get here?”. My eyes would fill with water just up to the tip of my eyelids….sometimes a smidge would drip down the side to my ear….some times. I still don’t know if it was sadness or sorrow or being one step closer to the end…the solution. I don’t know. (Note: I spoke with Joe Crockett after I posted this…we talked about being humbled by all of this…this thing…the people, the love, the impact….the ripples around us both coming and going…thanks for Joe Crockett). Now don’t think we also didn’t have fun. I would submit that we had fun every single day but maybe one…the treatment I flew back in after Alec’s wedding in Chicago. I was exhausted…and ready for a nap. From the airport to Zappacino machine. Whew!

I gave Chris my picture-taking device to capture the fun:

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“That Wonderful Balloon”

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“Put Your Left Hip In”

Friends still ask me how I’m doing. How I’m feeling…I say, “It’s really not a sad story…”. We all know what sad stories are..this isn’t one of them. Yes it was difficult at times…mostly on those around me. If I add up the pain of those around me and subtract my pain….the difference is negligible. I’m in it..I know I’m fine. I’m gonna be just fine. They worry and worry and think of the “what if’s” and run through the scenarios and end up right back where they were just to do it all over again….later when it’s quiet….rinse and repeat.

The reality: I played golf, I spent time with my family, parents, nephews, siblings, in laws, outlaws and my lifelong buddies…..most individuals can be characterized in more than one category. The most torture I endured was my golf game….it’s not any better either.
I ate some Petro’s, I ate at Pero’s, I ran into Davis O. at Stir Fry. I enjoyed a few Nixon’s deli sandwiches (due to convenience) and found myself at Sam & Andy’s knocking back a steamed deli and some rings….had lunch with my Young Life Leader, David Freels at Long’s and saw Scott Davis at Rooster’s. I got to meet Frank’s beautiful kids and do a lot the stuff a Knoxville guy does…I didn’t get to do everything I hoped to do but certainly not a bad deal.

Devin is enjoying her freshman year at Auburn. She loves Auburn. Dylan is rocking her sophomore year and lighting up the room with her smile. Parker loves 2nd grade and I must say….so did I.

A few days after I got home and Michelle and I are going to sleep….she reaches over and knocks the crap out of me….kidding. She grabbed my hand and said, “I’m so glad you’re home”….me too Miss Michelle….me too.

“Reunited”

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Fore! #14

Four more to go. Today is Wednesday, September 3rd. I will complete my twentieth and final treatment on Tuesday, September 9th.

How I got here: I return to Provision on 8/11/2014, at 2:30pm for my 2:50 appointment. I find myself back in the examination room with Brittany and Shannon. We had some laughs about our last visit and I confessed my musings on my last post. Brittany pulled up this blog and saved it for later.

I checked out okay and was sent to see my new friends. The Radiators. Just a few steps away are those who as Zane said today, “…aim to please”. I am not sure what is going to happen. I know it involves another balloon….everyday…for twenty treatments. Twenty balloons generally leads to a party. I will hold out hope. I know that I have an “X” scribed on each hip in blue sharpie. My body art is sexy and slimming to my hips….luckily the sharpie will eventually fade away…or it might read, “EEEEEEEXXX” as I reach my golden years…perhaps a misshaped Roman numeral at best.

I have given a valiant effort to become friends with my nurses only to have them abandon me. I am essentially starting over. A whole new group professionally referred to as, Radiation Therapists. East Tennessee’s very own Katie Mac is tasked to retrieve me from the beautiful waiting area. I recall being led to “Autumn Room 1”. I am instructed to lose my shorts and boxers…I can keep my shirt on….(Yea!). They have better gowns here. By better I mean roomy and clean…like the gowns I wear at home. I don’t mind the back draft. It’s a liberating “dare-to-be-free” feeling. I think Katie asked about prior surgery or medical implants or piercings because of the impending x-ray…I am 100% sure I had something really funny to say and it involved my nipples….I spared Katie the humor. I am still wounded from the betrayal down the hall and I don’t know if I have my gumption back to climb that mountain….again.

For every patient that is treated for Prostate cancer, two “bets” are lost by The Radiators….I don’t know if they use a deck of cards or roshambo or draw straws…maybe seniority…..or last one to work….or just a good ol’ batting order….but a balloon is inserted to the subject’s rectum and…..wait for it….removed from his rectum…..every….single…day…of treatment or a “Zappacino”‘as I have renamed it. As you may recall the 16.9 ozs of bottled water and this modern marvel filled with 60ml of saline hold the victim’s prostate in place so the very precise proton beam can zap the cancer which is marked by the gold thingys injected prior.

I walk into the engine room of the USS Enterprise…Spock is nowhere and Scotty is at lunch…still. I am asked my birthday, I am directed to the table where I step up to lay down. I am encouraged to relax, I am encouraged to relax more…balloon in…nothing new here. Table rotates to the right, laser beams are lined up on my beautiful baby smooth hips, x-ray scans to direct the proton beam to the markers…..bell rings, the Radiators scatter to “the bridge”. A huge door spins shut behind them which makes me kinda wonder, “why are they hiding behind a super duper thick space door whilst I lie here in a gown…?”. They don’t have a prostate between them. They should be fine….The door spins open. They rush back into the room and move as if Len Goodman were there. Choreographed for efficiency and beauty….I guess..I’m staring at the ceiling. I can’t really see them. I am looking at the dials above the drop ceiling that has been opened up to mount the machines that have been designed to kill my cancer. I count the holes in the brackets…I wonder what that green wire does…I wonder if that’s dusty or dirty…they slowly rotate the table 180 degrees and repeat….

I know we are almost finished when they come back in and turn me back 90 degrees. The balloon is emptied of its contents then I the same. I sit up and quickly clean up while covering my fantastic backside. Understand, they don’t insert that balloon with a hammer…they use enough lubricant with that balloon insertion to fix every bike chain in Florida….and for that I say, “thanks”.

That entire process lasts twenty minutes…tops. I head back to Autumn Room 1 to dress and head out…I stop by the Nurses Station to say goodbye and here is what I see….Brittany has read and distributed the post #13. They are hovered around her cubicle and I can hear them giggling and snickering…ultimately sounds of approval. (See picture below)

Day 1 is in the books. There is no turning back. As I begin this chapter of this inconvenient gift I am hopeful. I will need to bring my “A” game tomorrow as I forge new friendships with the Radiators.

I would like to take second to recognize a couple of buddies who have been in this cancer thing longer than me and I would argue with more “serious” and aggressive forms of cancer than mine.

Brian Childress, Scott McConnell, Alex Reed have sent me encouraging messages, thoughtful prayers and incredible strength. Scott is finishing up a round of chemo in Nashville as I post this. He has already been through this twice and I have no reason not to believe the trifecta is in full effect. Brian Childress has told me to “smile hard”. Smile when you don’t feel like it…just smile. Alex reminded me that I’m not alone in “this” and to dig in. Susie Bailey Lonas, Janet Testerman, Katherine Marler, and too many other folks who I am not sure I should mention have beat it are beating it and will beat it. As I look around this group of six, no two have the same type of cancer.

Smile Hard!

I am posting this from my IPad and I’m not sure what this is going to look like. Fingers crossed.

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